Teen Life Decisions

Spring is a challenging time of year for young people nearing the end of their high school years. For some, there are choices regarding where they plan to go to college. Others are making decisions to pursue employment, military service, or other post-secondary education. This can be a very confusing and challenging time for young people. Teens may respond with indecision and avoidance which may precipitate significant conflict with parents at a time when many are preparing to leave home for the first time. The times in which we are living remain uncertain, adding to the anxiety of young people.

There are some reasonable strategies to deal with what can be a great first step for young adults and the continuing of letting go for parents. Key in this transition is knowing that young people who have defined goals are more likely to embrace the future. They are also far less likely to engage in drug and alcohol use as well as sexual intercourse because they recognize that those activities may prevent them from achieving those goals. The major source of support towards achieving these goals successfully is their parents. If you have never had a serious conversation about life plans and hopes, then this is an opportunity to seize the moment.

Keep in mind that virtually all children that are born with at least one special gift or aptitude. It is the responsibility of parents to try and learn what those gifts are. Once a special skill becomes apparent - it is the parents' primary responsibility to create favorable conditions to facilitate the development of that gift. Never tell your child that he or she is unqualified to do what is in his or her heart. Listen to what they want to do and ask them questions to better understand what their desire is. If they have really ambitious goals - help them to break them down into achievable pieces or draw out their thinking process. Remember that this time in their lives is about them and not you and the opportunities you think that you missed. I can't think of a better way to undermine the confidence of your son or daughter by revisiting your past defeats. This is also not the time to regale them with stories of how you conquered the world - it is about them.

The same approach is applicable during this time of year for those who are unsure and avoidant. Look for some short-term goals that might be better defined and less anxiety-provoking. Be reassuring that they don't need to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives - but that they do need to begin to make some choices now as part of the process of growing into an adult and eventually leaving home. Do not cling to your children or tell them that they will not be able to function without you - this is a disabling and destructive act.

This is an exciting and transformational time in the lives of both parents and their children. Being careful, firm, encouraging and loving will go a long way towards getting young people off to a productive start and helping them to become adults that you would be glad to know.

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