New School Year's Resolutions

For many of us, the first of the calendar year is an impractical time to implement resolutions. Life's ebb and flow for families with children does not pivot around the new year as much as it does at the beginning of the school year.

The transitions that are associated with the beginning of school yield a good time to begin other new changes as well. As parents, we have a brief but significant opportunity to evaluate our relationships with our children before the inertia of time and the busyness of life extinguish the sense of hopeful anticipation that perhaps this year might be better than the last.

I make this point because I am surprised how many parents look with resignation and sometimes even sorrow at what they believe to be the inevitability of child rearing distress, and set very low expectations for their relationships with their children. A kind of survivor mentality seems to set in that yields an unspoken covenant of non-interaction in the hopes of peaceful and unintruded co-existence. This is both sad and unnecessary.

If as a parent you are willing to do a little reflection, and if as a child you think that things not only should be better, but could be better - take a look at the list below. It is not all-inclusive, but is a good start and most importantly, everything is doable now…

1. Only make promises to your children that you will fulfill. Small promises kept are an investment in your child's trust in you. Unkept promises are the same as lies told in advance.
2. Never leave your children stranded - if you do so and often, they will justifiably nurture a fear of abandonment.
3. Never stop asking your children about their day or what is going on in their lives - even if they respond with only a few words or just silence. Don't get angry if the response is brief. If it is, ask them to tell you about one specific element of their day rather than posing an open-ended question.
4. Look for opportunities to tell them that you love them (even if you are preoccupied with something else and are not feeling particularly affectionate at the time). When possible, embrace them. This goes equally for dads and moms.
5. Don't make small things more important than your children - TV shows, sporting events, and activities with your adult friends can all wait. One need only look at photos from the past to know how quickly time (and opportunities) slip away.
6. Praise them at every appropriate opportunity, even if this is not the way that you were raised.
7. Share meals together without TV or music in the background.
8. Do not leave your adolescent children unsupervised for extended periods of time.
9. Do not serve alcohol to underage teens and at the same time, make sure that you are modeling good behavior regarding the use of alcohol.
10. Create an environment in your home conducive to the completion of schoolwork and one that can flex around school related activities.
11. If you are married, be aware of the way that you talk with and show emotion with your spouse. Is it with love and respect, or are there arguments and accusations? Regardless - you are setting an example.
12. If you are not married, set a good example for your children about how to have adult friends in your home.
13. Make wise media choices with regard to what you and your family watch on TV, the movies, and what you view on the Internet.
14. Have a family-centered entertainment area in your home where all the media are concentrated.

These are seemingly small things. Look at your family and your needs and tailor these suggestions to what you think will work the best. You may want to discuss some of the changes ahead of time with older children.

I can assure that if you weave these behaviors and small changes into your daily routine that the benefits will bigger than you might imagine.

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