Resilience in Children: A Product of Love and Nurturing

The phrase "children are resilient" is often heard when an adult, often a parent, has done something that they believe might harm the mental or emotional well-being of their children. For instance, the phrase is often used as parents rationalize the effects of an impending divorce. Or it may be uttered after a child has been exposed to something that they lack the ability to process, such as an inappropriate movie, foul language, an intoxicated adult, physical or emotional violence, or just plain neglect and parental detachment.

Adults may be unjustifiably reassured when they see that their child still seems to be able to function "normally." They still eat, drink, sleep and appear to carry on with their daily activities. New research is providing evidence that this assumption is profoundly in error - especially so in very young children. This same research is also demonstrating that the process of emotional development continues in and through adolescence.

I have previously reported that children have acute visual memories - their ability to store and retrieve upsetting visual images is likely on a par with a digital camera. The American Academy of Pediatrics has recently published research that indicates a link between the fast-paced, brightly lit images of video displays on TVs and computer screens and the development of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

"Hard Wired to Connect" is a collection of research centered on new and disturbing evidence that today's children and adolescents are experiencing rising rates of depression, anxiety, attention deficit and conduct disorders, suicide and thoughts of suicide, illegal drug use and the use of alcohol and other intoxicants.

The authors decry the disconnectedness that afflicts so many children and strongly encourage the strengthening of institutions that will lead to the creation of more nurturing environments for children and make the following conclusions:

1. The development of parental intimacy with their children yields stronger immune systems, more rapid wound healing, and a general resilience to disease.
2. Nurturing environments have a powerful influence on the emotional reactivity of one's offspring and result in overall lower levels of stress.
3. Good parenting can be passed on to subsequent generations due to developments at the cellular level in a child.
4. Adolescent risk-taking and novelty-seeking behaviors are connected to changes in brain structure and function, and the conditions that result in these behaviors can be changed.
5. Gender identification and the circumstances that determine this require careful attention.
6. Very early infant attachment and parental bonding interact to form the foundation for morality in a child's mind.
7. The physical and emotional resilience associated with spirituality is the same kind of resilience that is associated with early and healthy parental nurturing.
8. There is a clear connection between religiosity and good outcomes for young people.

The effort to develop resilience in children is the direct result of loving them intimately and consistently, in the context of a nurturing environment. It is precisely the environment in which we live that makes this task much more difficult and requires much more diligence on the part of parents and those organizations charged with the welfare of children.

If you know that you have made decisions that may have resulted in injury to the developmental health of your child or children, start with a conversation with a professional - such as your child's doctor, a school psychologist or a counselor - to learn more about your child's well being. Be as objective as you can about the physical and emotional environment in which you are raising your children. If there are things that you can do to make those conditions healthier and safer, do so as soon as you can.

I believe that as parents and other responsible adults we have the capacity and ability to learn new things and to change our behaviors to becoming better at caring for the children entrusted to us. The community in which we live is wonderfully blessed with resources that can guide us in that process - we only need to take the first step and contact them.

"Your Health" provides easy-to-understand information about common health conditions.