A Teenager Refuses to Go to School. Now What?

Q:  I have a 16-year-old son who, until recently, went to school without difficulty. As the last school year ended, I had some trouble getting him up and thought that the problem would go away over the summer. Instead, the situation has gotten worse to the point where he will not only refuses to attend school, but will not enter any public place. What could be going on and what can I do to help him?

A:  There can be a continuum of challenges facing parents who need to make sure that their school-age children are out the door and on their way to class. For most parents, it may mean a little extra prompting to get children out of bed, after which the kids generally take over and complete preparations on their own.

It’s very helpful to maintain a regular and predictable morning schedule with as much responsibility delegated to children as possible. Children as young as 5 or 6 years of age can be taught to use an alarm clock and to be responsible for getting themselves out of bed. They can select their clothes for the next day and have all their school materials ready. They should be able to prepare their own breakfast and, for slightly older children, make their own lunches. The establishment and predictability of this kind of routine creates a solid and secure foundation for the beginning of each day.

For some families, however, getting a child to school becomes a titanic struggle that – especially in the type of situation you describe – may be beyond what most parents are able to handle. This is sometimes called a school phobia, which some experts might alternately label as school “refusal.”

If your child’s resistance to going to school extends well beyond simple delaying tactics and includes regular complaints of physical symptoms (such as headache, abdominal pain, dizziness, nausea or diarrhea) that go away if he is allowed to stay home, this may be evidence of school refusal.

Mild forms of school refusal affect between 5% and 10% of all US schoolchildren. They may be experiencing some separation anxiety, anxiety about their scholastic or athletic abilities, or a legitimate conflict with a teacher or other student.

For students in this category, help them to identify what they are be struggling with, be positive and encouraging, and send them off to school. In some situations, calling the teacher and or the school nurse can alert them to the difficulties that your child is having.

Of course, if you haven’t done so, you should take your son to the doctor to rule out any physical reasons for his trouble. You could also discuss the situation with your son’s teachers or school counselors to see if they have any insight into what’s going on.

About 1% of students have serious problems with school refusal, and your son could be in this category. I would recommend bringing him to see a therapist or psychiatrist who has expertise in this area. Treatment may include counseling or medications to ease the anxiety and fear.

Regardless of the root of the problem, early identification and the initiation of a treatment plan are key factors in resolving the issue.

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